• graphic design and art in general
• enjoying good music (mostly metal, industrial, punk, techno, anything that really kicks you in the ass and calls you ugly) 
• taking pictures of everything (b&w film is the bomb, but I do digital every so often)
• listening to anything you have to say, because I bet it's amazing you fucking genius
• reading amazing and sometime downright crazy books (Try American Gods by Neil Gaiman)
• playing poker for $10 bills
• wishing I had more $10 bills
• shooting pool for free
• working on my critically-acclaimed self-promotional website
• riding my mountain bike in places where I shouldn't
• playing beer pong with anyone who's cute enough to play with me
• cooking big meals, and little ones, cuz I'm a fucking chef (bork bork bork)
• looking all hot in my old man's hat
• pretending to be fantastically gay. especially around rednecks, who enjoy pretending to be fantastically straight around everyone
• screen printing my own tee shirts, because it's my business
• getting drunk at 3am with old friends and talking about the time five years ago when we were doing the same damn thing
• meeting people who like to talk about themselves, because for some reason I love to listen to that kind of thing
• watching bad movies and occasionally some really good ones
• being challenged to do shots because I can never back down
• smoking big stinky cigars
• arguing about nothing in particular. I like to cause tension
• saying something really funny just when a person is drinking milk, so that it comes out their nose like a fountain
• playing terrible guitar as if it's amazing guitar
• playing air guitar when I don't have a real one around
• saying things that rhyme, and pointing out when other people do it inadvertently
• debating religion with religious people, when I know there's not gonna be a winner. I like to cause distention
• staring at people from across the room until they notice
• collecting boxes of things I'll never need or use, just because I can't throw out anything
• shooting darts poorly
• chasing stupid dreams just because it's good to have any kind of dreams
• walking next to girls
• listening to Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata". it's my favorite song on earth, and I want it played at my funeral, right before "Ring of Fire" by J. Cash
• crying over the same movies over and over cuz I'm a total wuss
• eating bacon as a midnight snack
• reading Playboy "for the nekkid girlies"
• putting on Halloween makeup for no reason except maybe it's Saturday and I want to
• sleeping on other people's couches
• fancy shmancy restaurants where you have to get dressed-up to go to
• not getting dressed up at same
• red wine
• Zen
• turtles. they are my favorite animals on earth, though they narrowly edge out penguins. I used to have two turtles, one named Winston, because I like the brand of cigarettes, and another named Churchill, a name that I made up quite off the top of my head. they were a great pair and I miss them
• broccoli. it's the only vegetable that isn't inherently evil, in my opinion
• being in a room with no lights except a bunch of candles
• fire 
• falling asleep with headphones on
• backrubs. giving more than receiving. yeah baby 
• driving my car on nights when it's warm enough out to take the t-tops off
• going on obscenely long road trips
• Virginia beach
• expensive hotel rooms
• Johnny Depp and  Sean Connery
• Winona Ryder and Fairuza Balk
• punk rock girls (one Saturday I took a walk to Zipperhead)
• wondering what someone is thinking about when I see them smile all of a sudden
• playing with chalk on a sidewalk
• picking up girls when I hug them, you know, so their feet are off the ground
• food fights
• watching people poop (not really, just making sure you're paying attention)
• trying to throw playing cards into a hat from the other side of the room
• impulse shopping (it's why I have no money)
• doing something so completely off the wall that it makes everyone stop all of a sudden and look at me like I'm nuts, even if I'm the only one who laughs
• pretending I'm outstandingly smart
• pretending I'm ungodly stupid
• being pretty average
• talking about tattoos
• getting tattoos
• doing piercings. I'm sadistic 
• making my own alcohol at home (Mead, the nectar of the gods. The Vikings drank it before going into battle and so should you) 
• playing paintball in the woods
• playing paintball in the living room 
• getting drunk once in awhile before 11am cuz there's no work and nothing to do and nobody's gonna care anyways
• whistling as loud as I can
• walking barefoot in grass, sand, up a creek bed, anywhere really
• painting my fingernails black, because I'm secretly not goth
• swinging at the park at 1 in the morning
• catching lightning bugs even though they really scare the shit out of me
• building computers in my spare time
• fixing them for anyone else
• dancing...anywhere and at any time
• let me say that again...I love to dance. slow or fast, goofy or romantically
• yeah, I'm a dancing queen. it's that bad 
• staying up all night
• going out to breakfast after one of those all-nighters
• having parties at my house
• inviting that party to your house after hours 
• having cookouts in my yard
• making hot wings that are known by my circle of friends as the best wings ever
• coloring my hair green (now that I actually have hair)
• then maybe shaving it into a mohawk just for kicks
• pretending I don't like being tickled

I present to you my head on a pike.

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